Editor’s note: The following column explores a hypothetical conversation about LGBTQ gender identity, which is an issue many families grapple with today.
Rebecca, a young American in her late 20s, seemed restless today. She anxiously wandered around the room in all directions of the compass. Then, swiftly, she asked me, “Alexander, do you believe in death?”
I was somewhat astounded by the question but answered cautiously and without hesitation, “Yes, I do.”
“Everlasting?” she followed up.
“Of course, everlasting. Why do you ask such a trivial question? Eventually, we all will biologically vanish, forever,” I responded.
“Well, do you ever think about your legacy?” she continued.
“Not on a daily basis; but yes, I do from time-to-time,” I answered.
“Please don’t be offended,” she said. “Take my question in the friendly spirit with which it is intended. I’d like to propose two versions of your hypothetical obituary and ask which one you’d prefer. Is that OK?”
“Okay, shoot,” I smiled and answered with an expression of friendliness.
You know that this has been a difficult transition for our family.
“Thanks. Here is the first version: Alexander D. was born and raised in such-and-such place, he was educated in such-and-such institutions, he was accomplished in many areas of his life, including achievements in many academic fields. In death, he preceded his ideologically progressive, far-left child who, as an adult, considered themselves to be non-binary and requested to be referred to as “they/them.” This was an identity and ideology that Alexander D. reluctantly accepted.”
Certainly, Rebecca’s first hypothetical version of my legacy/obituary got my attention. “And what is the second version?” I asked, with obvious curiosity.
“The second version is this: Alexander D. was born and raised in a such-and-such place, he was educated in such-and-such institutions, he was accomplished in many areas of his life, including achievements in many academic fields. In death, he preceded his ideologically progressive, far-left child who, as an adult, considered themselves to be non-binary and requested to be referred to as “they/them.” This was an identity and ideology that Alexander D. sadly rejected.”
I was puzzled by Rebecca’s questions and the direction she was headed.
“So, what version of your hypothetical legacy/obituary would appeal to you?” Rebecca asked with a smile.
I looked directly into Rebecca’s smirky eyes, which were radiating signals of distorted compliments, and replied, “Rebecca, I understand your implication of and reference to my child’s decision to begin using plural pronoun “them/they” in reference to themself. You know that this has been a difficult transition for our family.
“Keep in mind, Rebecca, that social anthropologists define kinship terminology systems as a set of words (e.g., mother, father, sister, brother, aunt, etc.) used in various languages and cultures to describe or label specific relationships between relatives. Societies in different parts of the world use more or less the same terminological patterns of kinship. Indeed, kinship terminology is fundamental for the preservation of the nuclear family.”
An innocent 3-year-old child dressed as an elephant for Halloween will also innocently believe in being an elephant.
Rebecca objected with an accusatory voice, “But this traditional kinship terminology, both nouns and pronouns, does not adequately describe some peoples’ gender identity. They are not masculine or feminine, but something in between. It is a science, you know.”
“Rebecca, don’t confuse the word science with the practice of scientific inquiries. Science is not a subject like math, physics, astronomy, anthropology, and so on. Science is a method and methodology. It’s a procedure, a process used by scientists for the scientific inquiries of the natural world. Scientists ask logical questions, propose logical hypotheses, test these hypotheses, collect and analyze data, prove or disprove proposed and tested hypotheses, derive to logical conclusions, and, finally, propose explanations based on the evidence gained from their research,” I corrected Rebecca.
“Alexander, it is a proven fact that peoples’ gender identity may evolve and change in the course of their life. A child may be born as a girl (feminine) and gradually evolve into a boy (masculine). My three-year old niece is convinced she is a boy. She always yells to my aunt: ‘Mom, mom, I am a boy,’” Rebecca argued.
“Rebecca,” I countered, “an innocent 3-year-old child dressed as an elephant for Halloween will also innocently believe in being an elephant. Don’t you think so?
Each of us has ownership of our life, identity, and ideologies.
“More importantly, Rebecca, it is a proven biological fact that peoples’ hormones – the chemical substances that act like messenger molecules in the body – will definitely change over the course of their life. This is evidenced by the changes people experience in metabolism, appetite, growth and development, mood, stress, and body temperatures as they age.
“Additionally, it is an undeniable biological fact that peoples’ chromosomes (masculine or feminine) will not change in the course of their life. The X and Y chromosomes, also known as the sex chromosomes, determine the biological sex of an individual. Females inherit an X chromosome from the father for a XX genotype, while males inherit a Y chromosome from the father for a XY genotype (mothers only pass on X chromosomes).”
“Well, fine,” Rebecca reacted angrily. “So, what version of your hypothetical legacy would appeal to you, the first or the second?” she asked abruptly.
“Each of us has ownership of our life, identity, and ideologies. We can choose to vehemently disagree with the gender identity decisions that our friends and loved ones make,” I responded. “Yet, it’s important to recognize that in spite of genetics or our personal ideologies, each person has the freedom to determine the course of their life and the decisions made there-in.
ALASKA WATCHMAN DIRECT TO YOUR INBOX
“Our freedom, however, can be used for good or ill,” I added. “Ultimately, we are given freedom that we might freely choose the good—not like robots, but like humans. That is really the only purpose of free will—to choose the good. When it is misused to choose that which is hurtful, harmful or delusional, then it is misappropriated.
“We must certainly make every effort to love and respect every human as children of God, but without fostering or enabling a harmful fantasy that ultimately changes the course of their life.
“My life and my identity belong only to me, and to nobody else. I cannot and will not compromise my life, my beliefs, faith, ideology and factual truth. So, in regard to your question, and from Judeo-Christian values, my legacy ought to be the second version that: Alexander D. was born and raised in a such-and-such place, he was educated in such-and-such institutions, he was accomplished in many areas of his life, including achievements in many academic fields. In death, he preceded his ideologically progressive, far-left child who, as an adult, considered themselves to be non-binary and requested to be referred to as “they/them.” This was an identity and ideology that Alexander D. sadly rejected.”
The views expressed here are those of the author.
27 Comments
In James 2:10-11, we read that if you have broken one of God’s commandments, you are guilty of breaking them all. Perhaps it is time to stop focusing on LGBTQ and focus on the log in our own eyes. No! I do not approve of their agenda, nor do I approve of theft or gossiping or disrespecting parents or any one of the Ten Commandments. By God’s standard they are each and every one considered sin and punishable by everlasting death.
You don’t make an appealing case for believing the bible.
Maybe this should be required reading for anyone that think LGBTQ+ is something on their minds!
Only one correction; “This is an ideology that Alexander GLADLY rejected.” Why be sad about rejecting a lie?
I would say the “rejection” itself is neither sad nor glad; truth is truth and as you point out there is nothing bad about rejecting a lie. That being said, Alexander certainly can, and should, feel sad about the pain and confusion his child is clearly experiencing as any father would and I’m certain his love for his child is just the same even if he refuses to “affirm” his child’s delusions.
…In death, he preceded his son who now identifies as “they/them”, much to Alexanders disappointment.
This gen needs to get off their queerdom and learn to be a decent human.
I dont care what you want to call yourself, i will only use your name.
Queers aren’t decent?
My child does identify as the opposite sex. I have not embraced the other identity. I will not call by the other name chosen nor reference the other gender. I will not feed the delusion nor give up my own beliefs. But I love my child still and always will. My parents did not embrace the crazy things I did to my body when I was “transitioning” from a youth to an adult. A span of time encompassing the teenage years and into my twenties. I frizzed my hair like Janis Joplin, wore hot pants and temporarily put on many more identities in searching for my own.
Reverse the the post-humerous death annoucement…… The parent lived with rejection and unacceptance
by their homosexual adult child because the parent was a christian. The ten commandments speaks
“honor thy father and mother.” many people
today live by a ME attitude as I am most important person, I expect all give Me respect. Thd adult child need to practice patience and honor their parents. The parents must not give in to the child’s confusion but make love very clear they love them.
Thank you for making this comment! I was thinking about this also in pretty much the way you have stated this if this was one of my children. If it was an adult, it would be a slightly different approach. I would expect to respect them as a person – not saying that I am accepting their choice. In return, I would expect them to respect me as a person. We need to agree to disagree respectfully. If this cannot be done in a civil manner, then other avenues have to be considered.
This is a form of extreme passive aggression. This is a hallmark of totalitarianism – society forcing one to deny the obvious, so as not to offend some lurking power or authority. it’s rhe hallmark of political correctness – verbally deny the obvious to protect someone’s feelings. This is really evil at it’s core – This continued pandering to mental illness, deviance, and perversion.
My pronouns are Hee-Haw!
Diversion,indoctrination,collapse….
Try to get them psychological and spiritual help.
Love the person and hate the sin.
You don’t love the person. He or she disgusts you. Be honest.
I love how the left, their schills and trolls always push the negative, hatred, and division. I hope that God penetrates the very depth of your soul and drives all that hatred out of your heart Terry Stires.
Friend of Humanity. Not sure how you conclude that I’m a hateful person. But there IS something I hate: hypocrisy, and you’ve demonstrated it. Religionists claim to be tolerant and loving and welcoming of all people, all of God’s children. Christians “Love the person and hate the sin.” You’ve offered the hope that “God penetrates the very depth of [my] soul and drives all that hatred out of [my] heart “. All nice enough. Nice enough words.
But then there’s Mary’s comment above: “In James 2:10-11, we read that if you have broken one of God’s commandments, you are guilty of breaking them all. Perhaps it is time to stop focusing on LGBTQ and focus on the log in our own eyes. No! I do not approve of their agenda, nor do I approve of theft or gossiping or disrespecting parents or any one of the Ten Commandments. By God’s standard they are each and every one considered sin and punishable by everlasting death.”
Nothing says HATE like punishing those with whom you disagree with everlasting death!
And DoneWithIt here says, “This (LBGTQ) is really evil at it’s core”. Molly says, “This gen needs to get off their queerdom and learn to be a decent human”.
These quotes are just from this one story. Comments at Alaska Watchman are typically full of intolerance and threats of god’s wrath. In a word – HATE.
I hate hypocrisy. You and other Christians here and elsewhere are hypocrites.
Terry, I cannot speak for anyone else on this board. I still stand by my comment that you concentrate on pushing negative, hatred and division. I could love you, but hate that evil entity that has a hold of your soul. That is not hypocrisy. I would never tell someone that they don’t love someone else because I am not in their brain and heart to know. I would not tell a person how they feel about someone else. IF there is something disgusting – it may not be the person, but the belief that they hold. Telling someone to be honest – how do you know that they are not being honest? Like I said, I still stand by what I said to you. The globalists have lost this fight of taking over the world and creating a 1984 or Brave New World Society. Those humans who have faith in God the Almighty Creator of All Things know that God the Almighty has won – our souls are safe with our Heavenly Father.
Their religious hypocrisy won’t go unnoticed by the God they claim to serve. Other people’s version of God might forgive them, but they call those versions of God false. Almost as if the Anti Christ already has them in his thrall. God puts a downtrodden group of fellow humans in their midst to test their faith and see if they will love thy neighbor or try to ban thy neighbor from having a family. The very bedrock foundation of the Christian faith is that God willed the flesh of a man to become Female. The very first woman to exist could easily be seen as the first transgender human.
“Many families” aren’t grappling with this issue. Widespread involvement in this disturbed behavior is a myth the LGBTQ community would like you to believe exists.
Vince, I sure hope that what you say is true. I worry about the influence that Mary Peltola and Lisa Murkowski (and Sullivan and Dunleavy?) have on the folks living on the coastlines and in the interior. We are going to already lose so many to the jabs destructive forces. I cannot imagine the Alaska Natives and Native Alaskans wrapping their arms around this LGBTQXYZ+++ movement; but, pretty weird stuff has been happening up here in the last decade!
You’re right. Many children are the ones grappling with the issue of families who can’t accept that their kid is their own person.
It completely astounds me that a good portion of our country spends so much time obsessed with this. I have crossed this road in my family and when a family member announced she was ‘bi’ I responded by saying, ‘And?’. I went further to let her know that I didn’t think that was the be- all and end-all of who she was. I also expressed that what you do in private should be just that: private. That is my first issue. Why do so many people feel compelled to push their sexual behavior on others? Is that all they think they are? What about their intellect and abilities? The other problem I have is that so many are following the promoters of the LGBTQ agenda like the children in the tale ‘The Pied Piper of Hamlin’. The phrase ‘Pied Piper’ has become a metaphor for someone who attracts a following with their charisma or false promises. Maybe everyone should read this tale.
Anyone with a brain knows that the LGBTQ agenda is full of false ‘facts’ and promises. Not gonna waste my time explaining them because that would contribute to the obvious problem here: there are not enough people who think for themselves. Like the children of Hamlin they follow the fad of the moment. The real kicker is the belief that this is something new. A true student of the Bible would know that there is ‘nothing new under the sun’. Hence, the mention of the sin involved in homosexual behavior in the Bible.
None of us are without sin, but some of us don’t know how to recognize it or don’t understand the consequences of it. That is the real tragedy here.
I’ve never sinned cuz I’m an atheist. There is such a thing as right and wrong, but sin is one of many christian constructs meant to control others.
Judeo-Christian is such a cop out and unwanted lumping together of two very different religions. Most Jewish people do not agree with you and want nothing to do with the garbage that people describe as ‘judeo-Christian’. Take responsibility for your own crap and just say Christian.
“How Will You Respond to a Loved Ones LGBTQ Identity?”
The body of the article aside, I found the title interesting and worth taking a stab at.
I would love my relative, as I am commanded to. I would not promote, excuse, approve of, or partake in their sin- just as in the same way I would not accept and approve of godlessness, divorce, drunkenness, or any manner of debaucheries available to mankind. Christians, true Christians, understand that we have all fallen and come short; there is not one good among us. That’s the beauty of forgiveness and love.
Christians can love their family members and hate the sin that entraps their lives. It’s not a zero-sum game.
Now, as a byproduct of this love, a gay family member might take offense to your lack of 100% total acquiescence to their “lifestyle,” and they may decide to pull away from you, but as far as I am concerned, I am called to love and live at peace, when at all possible. Someone ensnared by sin doesn’t want to be around people who are in opposition to what they are doing. Drunks don’t invite non-drunks to parties. Thieves and robbers aren’t inclined to hang out with law enforcement and law abiders. It’s the nature of light and darkness not having a lot to do with one another.
However, I will always leave the door open and love them, but will not support them in their sin.
Adults have a right to dress up however they want.
Minors have a right to dress up however they want, subject to their parents’ approval.
For well over 99% of us, our 46th chromosome determines gender.
Gender is not “assigned” at birth. It is observed. It is a fact.
If you have Klinefelter’s syndrome, or some other chromosome disorder, that’s terrible – and you deserve understanding and support.
If you are just LARPing, do that on your own time and dime. Other people are not obligated to play along – we do not have to call you Sally or refer to you as a “she,” any more than we have to refer to an actual LARPer as Sir Bedaweare. It’s pretend. If you want to take hormones or have surgery to make your body fit your imagination, then you should be allowed to do that, if you are an adult, and you should not be able to send the bill to the taxpayers.
If you are biologically a male, you have no right to compete in a sports league for females, or to use the bathroom for females. The bathroom for males has a urinal – you’re going to go using your penis. You HAVE a penis – ergo you are not female.
Once you’re an adult, go ahead and live whatever lifestyle you want – just don’t make it other people’s problem.